What Happens When I Don't Pay Attention in Church.

This is a blog Chris wrote in November of 2007. I wanted to share it again, it speaks of what he believed and his heart during the storm.

So, today I went to church...
And, after the pastor said one thing during announcements, my mind was off on a tangent the rest of the morning. (As it is now... I'm forcing myself to pay enough attention to write this).
Oh. Text message.
And another...
Okay, so the pastor was talking about a prayer event that the church had earlier in the week. During it, it came out that one of the men in the group had cancer. So, they started praying for him.
And I started to wonder... if given the opportunity, what would I say to him?
And that was where my thoughts wandered for the rest of the morning. The pastor was talking about stuff in Acts 11... I remember bits and pieces of it, but I really don't feel guilty about that at all.
The first thing that I thought I would say to this man is that God has a plan for everything. Throughout the last year, that is one of the greatest things God taught me - sometimes, he chooses to use things like that to have a profound impact on those around us. There is no way that, without such a high-profile struggle, the people around me could have seen God's provision for me and my family and the strength that He gives us. I had countless opportunities to tell people that I wasn't doing anything special - that God was helping me keep things together. That God was the reason I didn't become depressed, or a total basket case. That God was the reason I am still alive.
And that was even echoed in the people around me. My whole family's struggle through things has done wonders to unite our church - given people opportunities to be the body of Christ - to do his work by showing his love and compassion. To pray for each other and support each other. It truly did intensify the sense of family with our church.
If everything in life stayed nice and perfect, there would be no need for God to support us. We wouldn't need him to lend us His strength. We wouldn't need His provision for us. We wouldn't need His mercy. In essence, we wouldn't feel any need for Him. Likewise, we wouldn't need the prayer and support of the people around us. They would have no opportunity to come together without any reason to. Without struggle, there would be no opportunity to build our faith and character in Christ and no opportunity to unite as a family.
I remember... a long while back... praying that God use me however He wanted to. I meant it too - whatever the cost, whatever I need to do - that He would give me every chance he could to do His work.
In hindsight, I'm thinking that probably wasn't the greatest idea.
I often wonder if this last year was a direct result of that prayer. God is up there, "Well, you asked for it." When I said that prayer, I didn't think about any possible permanent damage. Maybe being a bit embarrassed, messing up a bit, making a fool of myself, or whatever. But losing some physical abilities... never thought about it.
Although, I suppose the use of the word "permanent" in that last paragraph was fairly silly. There was only one real permanent effect of all this: the people whose lives were permanently changes. The people who might - just might - have seen a glimpse of God and His glory. The people who could have come to understand who Christ is, grown closer to him, or might have just had their heart softened just a little bit. That is permanent. Losing some function of a limb - who cares?
So, if you ever feel tempted to say that prayer - asking God to do whatever he can with your life - I'd suggest you rethink it. Do you really mean it?
What do you think you could lose? A bit of reputation? Some time? Some money?
What about having to leave everything you know? What about losing all security in life? What about losing your life?
So, before you go to God and say something like that, I really challenge you to think: do you mean it? Are you just saying that because it sounds good, or do you really mean it? Are you just being lukewarm, or do you honestly mean that you are ready to give up your life for whatever purpose God has for it?
I remember one of my first prayers after being diagnosed: "God, you better have some huge plans for this. Otherwise, I'm going to be pissed." I suppose he didn't give me any reason to be angry. The effect I've already had on people's lives is enough to make me honestly say that I would do it again, if given the choice. And I can't wait to see what else God has for me and my testimony.
I do mean that prayer. Every word of it. I hope you do too. After all, this life is only temporary.
Oh yea. I need to study physics. Exam tomorrow. Probably not so bright to be writing such a huge blog post right now. Eh. Who cares.
Look - another text message.