This will probably not be very encouraging, but I guess it will be honest. It is so very hard, living itself it such a struggle. To wake up is to wake up into the "darkness" of life right now. It truly is something I think is impossible to understand unless you have walked in it. The loss of someone you love, but not just one person but two of the most important people of your life.
I am realizing that I have never been able to properly grieve the loss of my precious John, and now to add to that the loss of my dear and sweet Chris, well it is hard to even put into words. Tears are a constant companion.
Last week we went with Dan, Nisha, Myself, Mihaela, Emily and a couple of Chris's closest friends to spread some of his ashes in a special place he and Emily had. It was beautiful to do, Nisha and Dan sang the song they wrote for Chris's celebration of life, and it was even more meaningful there.
I miss my "family" so much, my role as a wife and mother, my purpose. I know someday it will be better. I know I will find a new purpose, I truly just want my life to glorify the Lord. I do find joy in seeing how John's and Chris's life have made a difference in others. Sometime I think I can almost feel their presence around me, but it always so fleeting.
Dan and Nisha are still here, probably leaving on Friday. They are such a delight to me. I have enjoyed them so much. They are taking a trip to Chicago to take care of some business the beginning of Sept. They have invited me to come - I think I might.
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4 comments:
My dearest daughter
It breaks my heart to know you are so sad and grieving,You are in my heart each day. Our precious Chris has left another piece of himself and how he lived his life. I know Dan and Mihaela will give you comfort. We have received many heartfelt cards from our dear friends and are truly blessed for their love. I hope you decide to go with Dan and Nisha to Chicago. We Love You
Mom and Dad
I don't know you, but I heard about Chris' battle with cancer through Kim Safina. I prayed for Chris and have prayed for your family many times since then, especially you. You are right.. I know that I cannot truly fathom what you are going through. But the pain in my heart for you is so strong that it brings me to tears whenever I think of you.. the thought of losing my own sweet husband and precious son in the same year seems too much to bear. God most certainly has a purpose for you that I believe with all confidence that you will walk in beautifully. Just sharing your heart IS encouraging and a reminder of how precious and fleeting life here on earth really is. I'm sure you long for heaven like never before.. and praise God you have that assurance that you will see John and Chris again in GLORY with Jesus.
much love,
Linda
The Journey Continues ~
My precious friend Dawn,
I am here!!!!!!
Love you ~ With "Heaven Bound" blessings, Kim
Dearset Sis Dawn,
Yes we cannot fathom the depths of your grief all we can say is that you are a shining example of faith and just like Job, you are always praising and trusting God. My heart truely bleeds for you and Mihaela and Dan, you'll have been such a blessing to us and we always will remeber your loving family from the days in Qatar... John was a true hero in life and the prayer you found in Chris's wallet shows where his strength came from, the Omnipotent and Omnicient God, surely God has a wonderful plan for you dear sister may the Joy of the Lord be your strength and your portion for you will all be a family once again on that everlasting shore. I pray that Blessings and love and Joy will again flow and over flow in your life, for sorrow lasts for a night but Joy comes in the Morning from the God of Joy and Love and Peace and Grace and Mercy. We will remember and uplift you with our prayers.Love, Adrian, Hubelorna and Family.
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